It's hot and humid, overcast and rainy here in the DC metro area this morning. I'm slowly maneuvering to get out the door to church. I awoke at 4am this morning and my mind was flooded with everything imaginable. My heart raced...and I had a hard time going back to sleep. I finally did, but was awakened by my daughter in Nashville who was having car problems.
Ah...the life of a dad is never done.
This weekend I have made some friends out in cyberspace....who have been asking me basic questions about my sexuality and the down and dirty of how I managed things while being married to a woman. I don't mind telling them bits and pieces of the story of mine....but I find afterwards that I am kind of drained -- even though those painful days are long gone.....Lovey is history.....and I am just trying to negotiate my life as an out, proud gay man.
It feels like I am in a new place these days. I'm a little more self-assured. I'm not willing to just be driven by the whims of my magic stick between my legs.
I am truly looking for something emotional....and meaningful. I'm open to experiencing a relationship with someone where the sex is a normal outgrowth of the intense feelings I have for someone -- not in order to solely get my rocks off.
But I must say....as I have alluded to many times....it is very slow going.....sometimes......especially on this wet, yucky day.
As I was laying in the darkness of the predawn hours this morning....I pretended.
I pretended that my dog was an actual living and breathing partner who was asleep next to me. I wondered how it would feel to really have a person next to me through the night. A man that would be there when I awakened. Someone that I could burrow into when I was sad or frightened by life's circumstances.
For just a few moments....it was thrilling. It was awesome.
Then the dog sneazed and yawned.....and began scratching himself.....and I was jolted to my senses.
One day it is gonna happen.
One day I'm gonna have that missing piece of me.
One day I will have my prince.
And, when I do....look out!
3 comments:
You have a lot of love to give someone out there Frank. One day, when the planets are aligned in your favor, that person will appear before you and you will know. It is going to happen Frank and you're right.....when it does happen watch out. Nothing, and I mean nothing in this world is like the feeling of being with the one you love. I hope it happens soon for you Frank. I think of you often.
Frank,
Could you write a blog post about what you're looking for in your ideal Prince Charming? Physical description, education, age, personality, etc.
Ron
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