It never ceases to amaze me just how much incidents from our childhood can affect the rest of our lives.
I've never been into sports.....and I credit it all with some bad experiences I had in elementary school. Back then I tried my hardest to fit in....and do what was expected of me. But, back then, folks like me were the fodder of abusive jokes....and mistreatment at the hands of classmates, and yes, even the teachers themselves.
I kind of picture myself as being somewhat "geeky"....or a "sissy" at times. But really, I didn't know this...and I tried very hard to be all boy.
Sadly, at the time I felt I failed badly.
On the basketball court, I dribbled like a girl.....on the volleyball court I acted like a sissy.......in baseball....I threw it like a girl.....on and on. You gave me a sport....and I was always compared to being like a girl.
So, I shied away from sports.
Of any kind.
I associated the stale gym locker room with distaste.... I was always afraid of having a misplaced erection there when I would shower, but.....it never happened.
I was just a mess of emotions.
So, let's fast forward some 30 years later. All three of my kids are athletic. They workout....the practically live at the gym....and they love sports. My daughter who lives with me loves tennis.....volley ball.....baseball.....softball........basketball.....EVERYTHING.
This morning she asked me to ride along with her to the tennis courts near our house....while she hit some tennis balls at the wall for a while. I did ...and in the midst of her fun she says to me:
"Dad, I would so get a kick out of watching you do this!"
In my head I heard, "I would have love to make fun of you while you get your sissy butt out on the court and try to hit the ball."
I found myself evading the opportunity. I told her that I was "too old"....or that I didn't want to....or that I had no interest.....
She kept badgering me...."Won't you at least give it a try?" she asked.
Finally, with those tapes of long ago playing in my head....I attempted to use the tennis racket and have some fun.
Gosh I was rusty....and I found myself repeating those tapes to myself. I really wasn't too much of an encourager to myself. I did more to tear down my esteem. But my daughter really was upbeat and positive.
After a few minutes of hitting the ball......I starting to improve. Oh, don't worry...I'm not headed to Wimbledon anytime soon....but I found it very interesting to get out there and try.
In spite of myself...
1 comment:
This posting dredges up long buried memories. If it helps, you were not alone in your distaste for sports. I had similar problems in school. I don't recall anyone making fun of me directly but I struggled. I was tall (6'4") at 12 years old and expected to play basketball. Only problem was that I couldn't dribble the ball and move at the same time . Coordination, something I didn't have. Throwing a football? You got to be kidding. I threw a baseball a couple of times but I did get the "Hey Tipton! You throw the ball like a girl!" That put an end to that exercise. One finds a way to hid one's shortcomings. And of course there was always that ever present danger of the "misplaced erection." Been there, done that my friend. Good posting. I like you.
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