My mind is simply awash with emotions and thoughts this morning.
I’m still troubled by the events of last evening and #2’s exchange with her mother about the divorce.
I’m also bothered by the fact that yet again, my wife has successfully played the victim to paint me as the bad guy, i.e. the lack of financial support. I shudder to think what that clan really thinks of me.
Let’s review:
They’ve been told that not only am I a philandering husband, but I philander with other men.
They’ve been told that I was rotten in the financial realm and this is why we were always suffering financially.
They’ve been told that I left all the cooking and cleaning to Lovey and all I did was just come in to the house and sit on my posterior all the time. I never cooked. I never cleaned the house. I never did the wash.
They’ve been told that I spent all the money on fancy electronic equipment and that Lovey had to get her own credit cards in order to purchase shoes for herself and the children.
During this separation, they’ve been told that I have taken advantage of her.
I haven’t taken care of her financially.
So, I must be a louse!
Someone suggested that I sit down with Mom O’Lovey and say, “You’re not hearing the entire story. I’m not the guy that I’m being made out to be. Here’s my side.”
But I’m not inclined to do that. Why? Because I feel that if they really gave a flying fig about good fag Frank, they would know better. Or at least they might have the sense to call me up and ask. As you’ve seen throughout this Blog, the O’Loveys are far from bashful people.
In the early part of this process….you know, the time when Lovey said that she wanted us to be best friends….brother and sister…..she said that her family loved me. I’ve been an in-law longer than any of the others. She wanted me to stay a part of the family…and to help watch out for her mom…who’s getting up in years…and who only lives about 3 blocks from my house.
I agreed.
But now, based on all this, why bother? She’s done very well at portraying me as a real bad guy. I don’t think I could have…nor do I think I want to have…..any future dealings with any of them.
This is so sad.
When I think of the 25 years of history she and I have together, how she could come up with some of this stuff is beyond me. While I have tried to work through this separation and divorce stuff in a calm rational manner….and to work to be fair in all things one would think that from our history she would know better.
But apparently I am so mistaken.
So in the end, the relationship with Lovey is broken and the relationship with her family is broken.
I’m the bad guy.
1 comment:
Frank:
I think that you are correct that as long as there is hostility between you and your wife, the relationship with your respective families will be strained. And you can not control Lovey’s hostility. But I think you see how damaging voicing hostility can be to your children and to everyone that knows both of you. It asks those people that love you both to choose sides – a lose/lose proposition. That is why it is a good thing that you have this blog so that you can vent to your virtual friends.
So if you choose to remain in relationship with the O’Loveys you must accept that there will be some bumps in the road. Just like there are going to be bumps in the relationship with your children. However, with your children you have some greater incentive to work on those bumps. I also think that you see that your children understand that nether you nor Lovey are saints or devils, but people who are undergoing change and are under stress and thus make mistakes, honest and may be at times otherwise. Maybe the O’Loveys see that to some extent also. They know they have only heard one side of the story. Some individuals may only want to hear that one side so it does no good telling them what they have no interest in hearing, others may want to hear your side and they will ask, and yet others really do not want to hear either side, they just want to interact with people on their own.
The divorce and Lovey’s move have dramatically changed the basis of your relationship with the O’Loveys, if the relationship is to remain it will have to be on a rebuilt foundation. The rebuilding of that foundation, with those that want to rebuild it, will need to individualized depending upon which of the above categories the person fits. So just like maintaining any relationship these relationships will require work, on both sides, only they can decide if it is worth it to them, and you will have to determine what you can get out of them personally and for your children to decide if it is worth it to you.
Best of luck and know that you are loved
Rick
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