The Blessing of Friends

I'm slowly improving in lots of areas of my life.

At times during the separation, pre-agreement, I actually thought I was going crazy. I have felt tired, unmotivated, sad, depressed, and feeling self doubt, hatred and every other possible negative thought. I thnk this is something to remember if you are one of the many who are contemplating the end of a long term marriage because of the gay issue.

I've said several times that during my marriage I lost myself in the process. I lost my hobbies. I lost my identity. I lost my friends and totally focused on the needs of my children. God knows I tried to be a good husband and to make up for my failings as a gay man. I put myself under such stress to compensate for my shortcomings.

But in the end, none of my good intentions counted.

When the sepaation occurred all our friends became her's. She played the role of martyr so well.

This awful experience has forced me to reach out and make friends. This is beyond my normal comfort zone. I'm shy and have tended to be passive when it comes to making friends or having other relationships.

But one word of advice to those of you on my path... You need to be prepared to build a network of support. It's a lonely existence trying to make it through a lifechanging event and still survive.

I've reached out at the office.....at the new church I've been attending......and online.

Yesterday, one of my online friends wrote me and said that he felt he needed to talk to me and encourage me. Would I call him on his cellphone?

He lives in the midwest. He, too, is married, and about two years older than me. He's a pastor....and is gay and working through his own issues....but he actually wanted to encourage me.

And we talked......for two and half hours....non-stop. He encouraged me....and I encouraged him.

That's what friends do.

He listened. He advised. I listened. I advised. Neither of us expected anything in return.

We both hung up feeling encouraged...and upbeat.

Yes, that's what friends do.