Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Thoughts on Growing Older

Although Easter was day before yesterday, I can now say that my holiday was complete: I actually got to spend it with my youngest daughter, I spoke to my eldest daughter in El Salvador, and today I got an e-mail from the boy in Iraq. Of course, he is now working another long distance deal which requires his dear ole dad to do something!

This time he has decided to sell his Lincoln…which is currently parked in NC at Camp Lejeune. I now have to go to the O’Lovey’s house and go through his footlocker that we brought back when he left. Hopefully that title is there.

I told him that he should not part with that title until he had a certified check for the amount he’s selling the car for. But, what do I know? I’m just the dad.

Still, I’m thrilled to not just be a dad, but I’m ecstatic about being these three marvelous individuals’ dad!

They each have their unique talents and strengths. And, just like everyone else, they have their own unique flaws.

Still I love them deeply….and fiercely.

I spent a lot of time talking to #2 about her beau, Mr. Bodybuilder. Her feelings for him have grown exponentially since they began dating about a month ago.

I do declare…

The more I hear of this young man, the better I like him….and the more I feel a fatherly fondness of him. He makes my little girl beam. He makes her smile. He makes her feel protected.

These are all things I used to do.

It’s just another indication of the new role I am now finding myself in. I’m older. Soon I could very well be a grandfather to someone.

I’ve often learned from my life experience and made determinations of how not to be….hot not to behave…..how not to treat others.

As my children marry and begin their lives as wives, husbands, mothers or dads, I want to look upon their spouses as gained kids. I want to be able to love them just as fiercely as I do my own flesh and blood…..I don’t want to be their buddy……I want them to look upon me as their second dad. Someone that they can turn to…..someone that will love them unconditionally. Someone that will be there.

You see, I never had that from Dad O’Lovey. He was cold and prickly…..arrogant and aloof and, well, intimidating.

I never want to be any of those things.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say that as the adult daughter of a gay dad, i have really enjoyed reading your blog to see things a bit more from his side. When he came out and our family broke up, it hurt me immeasurably. So much that it's hard sometimes to look at him tenderly, like a child who is in pain too. Feeling fondness and empathy towards you is softening my heart just a little towards him.

~S

p.s. i found your blog through Jen's Kids of Queers site.