I finally heard from #2 yesterday after a two-day silence. She's suffering badly....and this breakup has really almost sunk her emotionally. When she gets like this, she can be testy.....pyschotic.....and just plain evil! So, know this about her, I've left her alone.
So, yesterday she chewed me out about everything. Especially some emails that I wrote to her.
I'm a pretty direct sort of guy. If something is on my mind, I don't communicate in doublespeak....but I say what I mean and I mean what I say. So, it was quite interesting to me to hear about how a simple "R U OK" translates into not being her advocate....saying that she has made a big mistake......and that somehow I'm on "his" side and considered the enemy.
I wrote her back:
See? There you go again......trying to be clairvoyant. You read too many things into things...
The only thing I assumed when I hadn't heard from you in two days was that you were hurting and needed your space. Yes?
Ok...I'm just going to say some things. If you get mad....or misunderstand...so be it. Read the message as it appears on the page....there is nothing between the lines unless you decide to put something there.
Your letter is ok. But I'm not so sure you're gonna get a response that you like....if you do at all. He's probably feeling hurt....and he's licking his wounds. He's probably feeling sorry for himself and feeling like a victim.
In a nutshell I think you cared for him a lot more than you thought. And, it's surfacing a little more now that you and he split. It's giving you a new perspective. Which is probably a healthy thing. (Breakups are painful aren't they? Until now it was only conceptual for you...now you've experienced one first hand.)
Knowing you as I do...which is pretty dog gone well I'd say, I think what happened is pretty clear: you all were chugging down the path...things were going pretty nicely......BUT.....he started moving too fast.....and got way ahead of you...... It overwhelmed you. Maybe even frightened you a bit.....and so you put on the brakes BIG TIME. So you ended it! Sort of like killing a fly on a ceiling with a BAZOOKA. It certainly will get the job done, but what do you do about the hole in the roof? LOL!!
So, now, you've broken up with this guy. Western civilization has not stopped....the world keeps on moving. You will survive.....you will be okay. It's just gonna take some time.
So, you've got several paths you could take. Which one is it gonna be?
Today she phoned me in much better spirits.
They've talked. They're meeting for coffee on Sunday after church!
Oh my goodness.
1 comment:
Hehe, several paths: exactly! Good advice. You're clairvoyant line made me laugh. I think it's hard to think clearly when you're emotionally wrecked, so you did the right thing to bring her down a little. Communication is the key right? I remember someone telling me this: you really don't know someone until you get into a very bad argument with them...she can think of this as a test as to how it'll be down the road. If they can resolve this and survive then that's a good thing, if not, then that's not good and she'll know.
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