dysFUNctional

Today has started off very well, in part I believe to the fact that I have had an absolutely wonderful weekend.

I always beam when one of my children come “home.” My beam is a bit brighter though because this time it was my son who simply made my weekend. Even though we weren’t in each other’s faces every minute, he was around just enough to make me feel like a million bucks. Plus I see so many signs of maturity – finally – THANK GOD!

The weekend gave me some very special one-on-one time with Mr. Brokeback. Although it wasn’t all romance, candles and chocolate, it was him and me doing guy things – taping and painting. Things we used to do long ago. And, after my Marine Son left, Mr. Brokeback, who had volunteered to ride with me to Richmond to take the Marine to meet his ride back, agreed to go to a movie and dinner instead. (My son’s girlfriend wanted to desperately drive the Marine back – so I let her.)

Again, there was no rip-roaring man sex…or roses….or candlelight…. But, there was communication, a hug or two….and two hands entwined during the movie with an occasional squeeze that conveyed the message….”I’m here. I care. I love you.” No words spoken…as the movie ended and the lights became brighter, our hands parted discretely. No fuss. No muss.

I suppose that upon further reflection, there is one message I wish I could share with all those fundamentalists out there who love to beat their chests saying that loving a member of the same sex is SIN. That message is: love is love. Forget about what body part goes where. Having a strong emotional attachment for someone special…be they straight or be they gay…is what we’re talking about. It’s about having a bond with one special person like no other. It’s being there when they need you. It’s a firm handshake. A warm embrace. It’s holding hands. It’s a touch. It’s a look. It’s clothed. It’s naked. It’s care. It’s compassion. It’s NOT sin.

Sermon over!

Saturday was a big day in Lovey’s family. It was the day assigned for the reception of Lovey’s niece (and mine by marriage/separation/divorce) to honor the marriage she had back in January in Cozumel. Since not many family and friends were able to attend that big day, they arranged this one so that they could celebrate their union with those they loved.

Now, don’t get all in a tizzy.

I, too, was invited. I think the niece looks at me rather fondly and I am among her favorites (I think). This is based on years of her calling me….and telling me some of her secrets and seeking some words of wisdom. She has not had a very close relationship with her dad…who has some very CREEPY issues that I will not go into. He and Lovey’s sister divorced years and years ago. She also doesn’t have a very good relationship with her mother and her current husband. It’s all so dysfunctional. But our niece and her brother, our nephew, have all confided to our kids about what a cool dad they think I am. So, you see, I must not be such a horrible person…or at least the person that Lovey would have people believe that I am.

As much as I love the niece, her new husband, and her brother, I declined the invitation. I want to celebrate the wedding in private with the happy couple. So I plan to take them to dinner or have them over to my house for dinner, and we can watch a movie on the big screen in the next few weeks.

So we’ll see.

I had the occasion to drive by Lovey’s mother’s home during this occasion on Saturday. (I couldn't’t help it…she lives on a main thoroughfare 2 blocks from my house and I have to pass it every time I go in that direction to run errands.)

Multitudes were there. I saw Lovey’s car. Parked directly behind her’s was the Dentist’s jeep – so macho, don’t you think? That’s what I want for her – a REAL man! In fact, the Dentist’s jeep is at Mrs. O’Lovey’s home ALL the time. I just don’t know if he is interested in Lovey, or Mrs. O’Lovey (a widow), or Mrs. O’Lovey’s only sister, in her 80s who is now living with Mrs..O’Lovey, or could it be he has his eyes on someone else.

Who knows? He’s in his 50s, married twice, divorced once, widowed once. I’ll write a posting about him soon.

The most intriguing thing about all of this is the Marine. I told the Marine about the reception and about how thrilled his mom and family would be to see him. (I know that when they get wind of his being home, they’re going to blame me for turning him against them…but really, I did encourage him to attend. You all are now my witnesses.)

But he said he didn’t want to see any of them. Further, if they called his cell, he would not pick it up. If they got him on the house line and they tried to put a guilt trip on him about not coming, he said he would hang up.

He’s still angry with Lovey about describing him as an alcoholic to her neighbors where she lives. He found this out back in the fall when he went to visit her and spend time with her. They had gone to visit neighbors and when Lovey had to run home to pick up something, the neighbors said, “Ah, you’re the alcoholic son aren’t you?” Josh was so offended that he turned down any liquor they served and grew silent.

I ache for both he and Lovey. Clearly Lovey doesn’t have the best of relationships with him….or any of her children. No matter what she attempts to do to make up for her shortcomings, apparently she sticks her foot in her mouth.

But, it’s no longer my problem. All I can do is to encourage opportunities for visits. If they choose not to do so, then I can’t actually make them.

I never thought my family would be so fragmented.

It grieves me. But I understand. Each one of us has been through a lot of drama. I just hope we can manage to keep our perspective and our senses of humor -- the kids and I.

In the words of Naomi Judd, “I like to think my family puts the fun in dysfunctional!"