I’m still numb from yesterday’s news.
Not long after I received the word, the fog started rolling in. I went through all the motions of work yesterday afternoon. But, to be honest, I can’t remember what I did.
I sent out a notice to all my friends. I was amazed at all the responses I got. I didn’t know that had that many people who were really concerned about my well being. It really made me feel great.
By the time I got home last night, I was emotionally wrung out and I went to bed. But, I tossed and turned. Finally I sat up in bed and decided to call #1 in El Salvador. They are two hours behind me time wise….and I thought I should call her with the news.
She congratulated me, but then immediately wanted to know how I was doing with it. I told her that I felt like I was in a fog…and that it was difficult.
She said that she was so sorry…..but that she loved me.
Finally, I articulated what’s been bothering me for so long during this whole thing.
“I feel like I have been terribly misunderstood during this whole thing and it bothers me that I haven’t been able to convey my side to Lovey et al.”
Really though, now, especially now, it’s irrelevant.
The divorce is finally over.
Now what?
3 comments:
"The divorce is finally over. Now what?"
I'd say live one day -- one moment at a time and see what God brings your way. There are many people that need your care and love. And many will care for you and love you in return. Some will not, but that is their loss, for what ever reason.
We are not called to make other's love us, only to love others as best as we can, and being human that is limited.
Frank, I know our situations are quite different. You have struggled with such pain and abuse. I keep you in my prayers and wish I could be there to give you a long, big bear hug.
You have fought a long battle. I hope and pray for you that what lies ahead will be challenges, not struggles.
Shalom to you, brother.
The best advice that I can give you is what was already said and that is to take one day at a time.
No matter how bitter some of the emotions that come with a divorce, it still hurts. Those feelings of "what if" and "could I or should have I" hit you in the face and in the end you will learn there are no right answers.
What is inevitable is that you will heal, you will come back stronger and you will survive. Just give it time.
Try not to wallow in blame or self recriminations and what could have been. Instead concentrate on putting the pieces of you life back together and move on from there.
Try and do something that you have dreamed about, but never had the chance to do. You will learn over time that you can depend upon yourself for you own happiness as well as those who truly love you. You are blessed to have children that are able to put aside their issues with the divorce to be there for you. That is something precious that many divorced gay men don't have.
In the meantime, know that we are all here for you when you need to rant or just spill your guts.
As I said before, I wish I could reach out and hug you and give you the confidence that you will come out of this and be a better man.
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